Whether it is your own wedding - or you are merely paying for it - there will be occasions when you run up against a very firm difference of opinion.

Such conflicts, if not resolved, can blow out more spectacularly than the wedding budget.

One friend’s disagreement with her future mother-in-law over the traditional frosted icing or profiteroles caused such bad feeling, that when it came time to lovingly feed her new husband a slice, she upended the whole top tier of the cake over his head!

But before you start having nightmares involving grenade-like profiteroles, try applying the following two tried and tested negotiation techniques.

1. A.P.E

No, this doesn’t have anything to do with the guy in the gorilla suit at your bachelorette party… It is a simple acronym for Acknowledge, Paraphrase and Explore.

In other words, when a sticking point arises or tempers flare, try cooling things down by:

1. Acknowledging their point of view. Despite your childhood dream of a wedding in a big city hotel, a marquee by the river is a definite possibility for the wedding reception.
2. Paraphrasing their point of view, to reveal that you have listened to their concerns and understand their issues. The marquee is romantic, cost-effective and big enough to ensure the thirty-three cousins can all attend.
3. Exploring a middle ground between your viewpoints. While the marquee sounds wonderful, the river tends to flood mid-winter, so how about a glassed-in pavilion up-stream, that just happens to back onto a luxurious five-star resort?

If APEing merely results in a lot of chest-thumping and teeth baring, try:

2. Barter

This is where you need to dig deep to your distant roots as a horse-trader and recognise that everyone can end up happy if you are all willing to trade.

The beauty of the barter is that a win-win is highly likely.

Your mother-in-law wants a full nuptial mass but you were hoping for a civil ceremony on the beach? To get what you want, what are you willing to trade? Would you go so far as agreeing to wear her five meter veil with the rosebuds around the crown?

Just keep in mind your B.A.T.N.A. - another acronym which means your “Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement”. In technical terms it is “the alternative action that will be taken should your proposed agreement with another party result in an unsatisfactory agreement or when an agreement fails to materialize.”

In other words, if your mother-in-law won’t take the trade, what is your alternative action? Another trade? Giving in? Moving to France?